I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He better not be in your backpack
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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