ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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