Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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