tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
