i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
