Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
