He uses pillows to masturbate.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
