i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
