So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
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We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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