Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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