The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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