You smell like a Billy Joel song
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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