I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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