im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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