What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
