before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
