We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
