Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
