I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You ruined the universe
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
