Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
