My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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