Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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