Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
