Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
