what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
