Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
