the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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