Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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