im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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