Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
