If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
