so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
