dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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