You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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