What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
