I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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