My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
