she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
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I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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