I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
