My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
