I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
