we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
