Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
