Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
