So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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