I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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