You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
