Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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