Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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