my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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