life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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