I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
