No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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