I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
