I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How does it feel to date your dad?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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