he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
