we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
