You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
